On Being a Big-Picture Person

My brother and sisters and I have plenty of reasons to be angry. We grew up in back-woods poverty with parents who were addicted to drugs and alcohol, and there was a lot of physical and verbal abuse in our home. We lived in a tent for several years, then a towing-trailer, then when we put add-ons onto that to turn it into what we called “the shack.” We went without running water, electricity, new clothes, medical care, or dependable transportation for a good portion of our childhoods. When our violent father finally got put behind bars, our mother died of alcohol poisoning just a few months later. She passed away just before the divorce could go through, so, legally, when our father got out less than a year later he inherited all of her material possessions and us kids were left with nothing but each other and a restraining order to protect ourselves from him.

(*Whew!* Try reading that 5 times fast!)

I’m telling you this short-version of my growing-up sob story not so you will pity me in any way, but so I can share with you the possibility of over-coming the sucky situations that go beyond our control. I could reminisce on the co-workers who saw my mother’s black eyes but did nothing about it and conclude that the world is a terrible place not worth salvaging. But I don’t.

It’s too easy of a trap to play the victim and I won’t fall for it.

I am not sad.

I am happy.

I am not angry.

I am hopeful.

I do not feel rejected.

I am bursting with motivation.

I do not think about how unfair life is.

I think about how I can make life better.

I do not hate….

But I am always learning.

I am not depressed.

I am energized.

Today is better than yesterday, and I am looking forward to tomorrow while I enjoy it.

I work hard, and give hard, and love even harder.

I step back, see the big picture, and smile.

No matter who your parents were, where you were born, or what you’ve been unfairly saddled with, you don’t have to be the angry victim. Choose to be a big-picture person instead.

I hope you inspire to go beyond what you’ve been given, and that you recognize the special talents that only you can share with the world. I hope you take that talent and use it to move forward. We all have reasons to be angry, but we also have so many more reasons to be glad. We just have to choose to see it that way.

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Are you being drained by leeches?

As human beings, we only have so much blood in our bodies (about 5 and half liters, actually.) So we can only withstand so many leeches sucking the blood out of us until we are completely drained of our life force. We can’t live if we don’t have blood. We can’t make art, or be happy, or be productive.

Illustration by K. Dempsey

Now: substitute “blood” for “energy” and “leeches” for friends and family who drain us of that energy, often for nothing in return.

Who are the leeches in your life?

It’s generally not very difficult to identify the blood-suckers. They are the people who you only hear from when they need something from you. They are the family members who make bad mistakes because they know you’ll step in to help them fix everything afterwards. They are the friends who love to gossip about others, including you, behind their backs. They are the creators and lovers of drama, and the complainers of everything under the sun. Leeches love attention, are greedy for help from others, and will never learn their lesson.

You can’t afford to keep giving the leeches your energy.

In order to have the energy to live happily, work towards your dreams, and enjoy quality relationships with the non-leeches in your life, you need to minimize the power the leeches have over you. This is easier said than done, as these people usually do consist of individuals you genuinely care a lot about and really wish you could help. The truth of the matter is, however, only the leeches can help themselves.

It’s tempting to do the favors for the leeches who only contact you when they want something. You miss them, after all. It’s probably been awhile since the last time they wanted something, and maybe, just maybe, if you did this favor for them again they might contact you simply to talk next time. Sorry darling, no they won’t. The next time they contact you it will simply be for another favor, or, because they didn’t learn their lesson last time and need you to help fix it… again.

Remove the drama-inducing friends from your life. They need you, you don’t need them. You are only providing a crutch for them to lean on by letting them use you. Some people will never, ever learn, and they will continue to make mistakes and create drama because they are only happy when they have something to complain about. These sorts of negative people will impact your life and work in a negative way, and you owe it to yourself to not allow them in.

The personal anthem of a misery-loving leech (I’m Only Happy When It Rains by Garbage):

The leeches you are related to can be a little harder to rid yourself of. (You will be seeing them at the next family reunion, after all.) However, you can still minimize the negative impact they have over your life, and set limits to the free favors they have grown accustomed to you performing for them. Be straight and firm the next time one of them asks you for yet another favor. No, you are simply too busy (it’s not even a lie – you ARE too busy!) Time for them to find someone else, or better yet, learn to help themselves.

As you gradually pull off the leeches that have been draining your life-force, you will begin to feel the positive impact. You don’t have to worry about what bad things So-and-So is spreading about you, because you don’t even talk to her anymore. You don’t have to cringe when Uncle So-and-So calls you, because you can allow yourself to not answer. There are so many other people of quality, who genuinely care you, who deserve your time so much more than the leeches do. And best of all, they will return the favor.

Taking a Moment to be Thankful

For my US of A friends, today is Thanksgiving. A national holiday in which we all celebrate our blessings by manner of spending time with family and gorging ourselves on mashed potatoes. (I highly recommend it.)

The main purpose of this holiday is to remind us of all of the things we ought to be thankful for, and give us a nudge to reflect on them. So, in addition to the paid day off from work, here are just a few other things I’d like to add to the list of I-am-grateful-fors…

A loving husband who is not only drop-dead gorgeous, but also enjoys watching Spongebob with me and doesn’t mind the Barbie dolls that decorate much of our home interior.

Rocking friends who, after a few bottles of Mike’s Hard, often end up telling each other how much love we have for one another at our gatherings. (“You’re awesome.” “No, YOU’RE awesome!”)

Family, (duh), including all in-laws and the people I have known long enough that they freaking might as well be included in this too.

My day job (giving me this paid day off). Not only does it pay the bills and provide the health insurance, but I actually don’t dread going to it. (yay!)

My house. Being a home-owner (even if it’s really the bank that technically owns it) feels soooooooo good.

My business. (And, in turn, my customers, followers, and fans. All of which I am eternally grateful for.) It’s pretty sweet that people actually wanna pay me money for the crap I make and read this shyte I write. THANK YOU!

Caffeine: thanks for making life possible.

Melissa Etheridge, for recording the ultimate sing-along catharsis with her hit, “I’m the Only One.”

Stephen King, for providing me with enough entertaining reading material to last me the rest of my lifetime. Or at least close to it.

The internet, for allowing me to connect with fabulous peeps from all over the world and share my handmade goodies with them.

And, finally (although there is really so, so much more), for my good health. Knock on wood.

What’s on YOUR thankful list today?

Holiday Wrap-Up (Or, I guess, Unwrap?)

If you are one of those families that can fit all of their Christmas festivities into the 25th of December, surely you are aware of the rarity that you are. The rest of us don’t have a Christmas DAY, it’s more like a Christmas WEEK (give or take a day or two.) Fitting all of the activities into one day would be like trying to fit an entire zoo into a Prius. It just ain’t gonna happen.

I don’t mind. This way the fun and excitement spreads itself out. It means several days in which I get to pack on the pounds by stuffing my face with frosted sugar cookies and gulping down eggnog. I tell myself I’ll work the pounds off later (which will never actually happen.) It also means spending adequate amounts of time with different groups of friends and family. Some of which I only get to see during this time of year.

Because of our work schedules we had to do some flipping around of what we would normally do on days before and after Christmas. My husband had to work on Christmas eve (Booooooo!), so we headed out to see my Grandparents the day prior. My Aunt and Uncle who recently moved to Hawaii were there, so they got to brag bout how nice it is to live in a climate where the weather is always perfect. It was nice that they came up so we got to see them.

My husband and I did our mini-Christmas the morning of Christmas eve, before he left for work. Although many women out there would claim differently, I have to state that my husband is the most amazing there is in the world. He got me a new car stereo (which I have been dying for for AGES!) Oh, Mr. Zombie, you have never sounded so good! So that was pretty awesome. After he got off of work later that evening we headed out to his parents house to spend the night.

Christmas was magical, as always. Santa stuffed our stockings full of goodies and presents and wrapping paper abounded. Dinner was amazing and The Christmas Story every bit as funny as it was last year. Another perfect holiday to finish off a pretty much perfect year.

The next day we headed to my older sister’s for a Christmas brunch with her family and some other members of her extended family. My husband got to see her new house for the first time, so that was cool. We still have yet another Christmas this week with some of our close friends (pretty excited), and then it’s on to the New Year’s celebration. Can’t believe it’s already going to be two-thousand-and-frikin-twelve. (STILL no flying cars!!?!? WTH!?!) I’ll have to think of some resolutions here pretty quick.

How were your holiday celebrations? Feel free to one-up me in the comments below!

The Daunting Task of the Christmas Newsletter

I’ve recently decided that this is going to be my first year writing a Christmas newsletter. We all get them. We all get bored with enjoy them. I typically don’t have a hard time getting myself to write. (Obviously, you are thinking if you are a frequent reader of this blog.) I often times have to restrain myself from turning these posts into novels.

However, there are still some forms of writing that I can find difficult. It becomes especially tricky when I have to write for a certain, close or general audience. As in, an audience I can’t use the word “shyte” around. As in, the audience who will be reading my Christmas newsletter.

Taking the leap I went ahead and wrote my brief letter blog style. Instead of being all mushy-gushy, I went ahead and voiced my words in my usual, slightly-snarky and semi-ironic way. I did however, refrain from using the word “shyte.” I also designed it with pretty graphics and pictures, so maybe, just maybe, the images will entrance anyone from being offended by my writing style. (Oh, the glorious benefits of being a Graphic Designer!)

You can click the below image to see/read for yourself (background: Nick is my hubby & Jeana is my younger sister who lives with us):

I haven’t printed/mailed these off yet, so if you have any pointers for me feel free to share. Also, I’d like to know if you write your own Christmas newsletter? Do you find it more difficult than regular freestyle writing?

Family + The Holidays = Drama

Family drama. We all have it. Don’t even pretend like your family is perfect and you don’t know what I’m talking about. You do. In fact, I am sure you can relate ALL TO WELL.

One of the biggest problems with families is that certain members think that they are more important and therefore significant than others. (i.e., “Christmas should be at MY house because I am the best aunt evahhhh!”) It gets even more prickly when it comes to in-laws and having two sides to a family.

Much to the sniffling and griping of my grandparents, I go to my husband’s family’s house for Thanksgiving and for Christmas. Yes, they get both holidays. But, I have my reasons.

Not having parents of my own, my husband’s parents are basically my adopted parents. They are much more involved and supportive of us than my extended family is. They communicate with us more, see us more, and go out of their way to help us. To NOT spend Christmas at their house would like like saying, “Sure we’ll take advantage of your assistance, but give the rewards of our quality time to the family members who only care to see us when the holidays come around.” An exaggeration, to be sure, but that’s the gist of how I look at it.

Days spent with secondary family (such as grandparents) should be on a different day than the main holiday anyway (for example, Christmas Eve), or everyone should meet at one central location. Adamant on having Christmas at their house, my grandparents won’t budge. Also, the two locations are about 100 miles apart, so hitting both places in one day includes too much traveling and stress. No thank you. I actually like to enjoy the holidays if I can.

I relish waking up on Christmas morning and enjoying opening presents and eating cookies in my PJs. It’s even better if I don’t have to do any packing up into cars and traveling from place to place. My preference is to stay put and enjoy dinner in the same location.

Besides, my grandparents have more than enough family coming over to their house on Christmas day. If we all came it would simply be too crowded and impossible to enjoy one another’s company. I honestly think that my grandmother is too determined to be unsatisfied over the issue that no matter how many family members showed up on Christmas day, she would complain that the deceased were being being lazy for not getting up out of their graves to see her, God rest their souls.

This holiday season, do what I do. Spend the most significant time where you want to spend it and with who you want. Don’t let family members guilt you into favors you aren’t comfortable with. Don’t let the complainers and the gripers get to you. Enjoy your time with family and let the drama fall by the way side. And feel free to have as much turkey and eggnog as you please. You’ll thank me later.

Psst: giveaway still happening. It will continue until December 11th, winner to be announced on the 12th. So if you haven’t entered yet – don’t miss out on your chance to win free stufffffff.